How to tell your child they're going to counselling
In short
Keep it short and honest, and say it in an ordinary, relaxed way. Tell your child that a counsellor's job is helping children with feelings, that sessions mostly mean playing, drawing or talking, and that they don't have to say anything they don't want to. Don't present counselling as a punishment, and leave plenty of room for their questions.
On this page
Once you’ve decided to get your child some support, a second worry often follows close behind, which is how to tell them. Most parents we speak to fear the same thing, that their child will hear the word counselling and decide something must be wrong with them.
Keep it short and honest
Children take a lot from your tone. Mention it in an ordinary way and most of them will take it in their stride. You don’t need a serious talk at the kitchen table. A couple of sentences on the school run, or at bedtime once the light is off, is usually plenty, and you can come back to it if they want to know more.
Example words for different ages
With a child of three to six you could say “You’re going to visit Gitta. She has a room with toys and sand and paints, and lots of children go to see her to play and talk about feelings.”
Children of seven to eleven often want a bit more: “I’ve found someone whose job is helping children when things feel hard or muddled. You can play or draw or talk. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to, and what you say there is private.”
Teenagers need to feel they have some say, so ask rather than announce. “I know things have been hard lately. I’ve found a counsellor who works with young people. It would be your time with her, without me there. Would you meet her once and see what you think?”
What to avoid saying
- Try not to use counselling as a threat, as in “If you carry on like this you’ll have to see someone”.
- You don’t need to list everything you’ve noticed. A long list of worries can leave a child feeling they are the problem.
- “It might help” is honest. “This will sort it out” leaves everyone disappointed if it takes a while.
- After a session, “What did you talk about?” can feel like a test. Ask if it was all right and leave it there.
Let them ask questions
Questions often come later, over tea or in the bath. Children want to know how long it lasts, whether you’ll wait outside or what the room looks like. If you don’t know the answer, say “Let’s ask Gitta together”, which also gives them something to do when they arrive.
Other questions parents ask
What if my child refuses to go?
Lots of children say no at first, and it doesn't mean counselling won't work for them. Let us know before the first session and we'll plan around it, perhaps with a shorter first visit or with you staying in the room until they settle. Most children relax once they've seen the room.
Should I tell my child's school?
That's up to you. It can help if sessions fall during school hours, or if school is part of what your child is finding hard. Whether you tell them or not, your child's sessions stay confidential.
Can I come into the session?
With very young children a parent sometimes stays for the start of a session while they settle in. After that most children do best with time on their own with the counsellor, and we meet with parents separately on a regular basis.
Sources and further reading
This article is general information, not a substitute for advice about your own child. If you are worried, speak to your GP, your child's school, or book a call with us.