Glossary
What is attachment?
Also called: attachment theory, attachment styles, secure attachment, insecure attachment, attachment difficulties
Definition
Attachment is the deep emotional bond a child forms with the adults who care for them, which shapes how safe they feel, how they handle stress and how they relate to other people as they grow.
What it means
Attachment theory began with the psychiatrist John Bowlby in the mid twentieth century, and was developed by Mary Ainsworth and others. The core idea is simple: children need at least one reliable adult to turn to when they are frightened or upset, and from that base they feel confident to explore.
Researchers describe attachment as secure or insecure, with different insecure patterns. These describe how a child has learned to get comfort, and they can change as relationships change. Most children are securely attached, and no parent gets it right all the time; what counts is repair after things go wrong.
“Attachment difficulties” is a broad description, often used for children who have experienced care changes, adoption, loss or early adversity. It is different from a formal diagnosis such as reactive attachment disorder, which is rare and needs a specialist assessment. Some behaviours in autistic children are sometimes wrongly read as attachment problems, and the reverse also happens.
What it can look like for your child
A child who feels secure usually seeks you out when hurt and settles fairly quickly. A child who is less secure might cling and be hard to comfort, act as if they need no one, or swing between the two. Starting school, a new sibling, separation or bereavement can shake any child’s sense of security for a while.
How counselling can help
The relationship with a counsellor can itself give a child a steady, predictable adult to rely on. Through play, children often work through separations and losses. We also involve parents, because the relationships at home are where most change happens.