School refusal: a step-by-step guide for parents in England
In short
School refusal, often called emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA), is when anxiety or distress makes it so hard for a child to go to school that they can't get there or can't stay. Contact school early and ask for a meeting with the pastoral lead and the SENCO, so you can agree a written plan with small, realistic steps back. Keep a log, involve your GP, and keep the focus on what is making school feel so hard.
On this page
It’s ten to eight. Your child is still in pyjamas, crying, or shut in the bathroom, and the more you push the worse it gets. Some mornings you get them through the gate and the school rings at eleven to say they’re in the office. If that sounds familiar, you’re probably dealing with school refusal, and you’re far from the only family going through it.
What is school refusal (EBSA)?
School refusal is when a child finds school so frightening or overwhelming that they can’t get there, or can’t stay once they arrive. Many schools and local authorities now call it emotionally based school avoidance, or EBSA, which puts the emphasis on the feelings behind it. Our glossary has a short definition of school refusal if you need one for a form or a meeting.
It often starts small, with tummy aches on Monday mornings, or begging to stay home on the day of one particular lesson, and builds over weeks.
Why does it happen?
It usually happens because something about school has become too much, and staying at home is the only way your child knows to make the feeling stop. The cause is different for every child. Common ones include:
- anxiety about something specific, such as a teacher, a test, PE or the lunch hall
- friendship problems or bullying, including online
- noise, crowds and busy corridors, which can be exhausting for autistic children
- learning needs that haven’t been picked up, so lessons feel impossible
- worries about home, such as a parent being ill, or a separation
- a big change, like starting secondary school
Often there’s more than one thing going on, and your child may not be able to tell you what it is. If your child is autistic or you think they might be, our page on autism counselling explains how we work with school-related anxiety.
What should I do first? A step-by-step plan
Start by talking to school early, before absences build up, and keep talking. Then work through these steps.
- Pick a calm moment, well away from the morning rush, to ask your child what feels hard about school. Questions like “What’s the worst bit of the day?” are easier to answer than “Why won’t you go?”
- Contact school and ask for a meeting with your child’s form tutor or head of year and the SENCO. Say clearly that you think anxiety is behind the absences.
- Prepare for the meeting. Bring your notes, any GP letters, and a short list of what you think would help.
- Agree a written plan. It might include a named adult your child can go to, a quiet place to start the day, an exit card, a later start or a shorter timetable for a few weeks, and help with the hardest lesson or the lunch hour.
- Set a date to review the plan, usually after a few weeks, and agree how school will keep you updated.
- Book a GP appointment. Your GP can check for physical causes, write a letter for school, and refer on if needed.
- If your child has, or may have, special educational needs, ask what SEN support is in place. If needs can’t be met with that support, you can request an EHC needs assessment from your local authority. Our glossary entry on the EHCP explains the process.
- Keep a log of attendance, how mornings went, and what helped. It shows what’s working, and gives you evidence if things need to go further.
What does the guidance in England say?
Government guidance in England expects schools to work with families to understand why a child isn’t attending and to put support in place. Its attendance guidance, Working together to improve school attendance, asks schools to identify and remove barriers early. A separate document covers pupils whose attendance is affected by mental health, and says this applies whether or not your child has a diagnosis.
Absence can still be recorded as unauthorised, and schools can ask for evidence, so keep in close contact and put things in writing where you can.
What helps on school mornings?
Mornings go better when there are fewer decisions and less talk.
- Get everything ready the night before, including clothes, bag and breakfast.
- Keep your voice low and your words few. Long reassurance can add to the worry.
- Agree one small, clear goal, such as getting to the gate or into the quiet room.
- Arrange for a familiar adult to meet your child at a set place.
- Praise the effort, even on days it doesn’t work, and try again tomorrow.
Days at home should be calm but dull, without screens and treats. Home shouldn’t be harsh, but it helps if it isn’t more appealing than school.
A note for schools
Early contact matters more than anything. A phone call home after the second or third anxious absence, and a named adult the child trusts, can stop a pattern taking hold. We work with schools across Manchester, offering counselling in school for pupils who find it hard to get through the day.
Other questions parents ask
Will I be fined if my child can't go to school because of anxiety?
Government guidance expects schools to work with families to understand and remove barriers to attendance before turning to formal action. Fines are less likely when you're keeping in touch with school, sharing evidence such as GP letters, and working on a plan together. Each case is different, so ask the school directly how they're recording the absence.
Should I make my child go in?
Forcing a very distressed child through the door tends to make the fear bigger. Equally, long spells at home can make going back harder. Most families do best with a gradual plan agreed with school, where your child does a little more each week with support in place.
Can my child get an EHCP because of school refusal?
School refusal isn't itself a special educational need, but the reasons behind it often are, such as autism, ADHD, anxiety or a learning difficulty. If your child's needs can't be met through the support school already provides, you can ask your local authority for an EHC needs assessment yourself.
How is school refusal different from truancy?
A child who is truanting usually hides it and is somewhere else instead. A child with school refusal is usually at home, often in real distress, and parents know exactly where they are. The worry is about school itself.
Sources and further reading
This article is general information, not a substitute for advice about your own child. If you are worried, speak to your GP, your child's school, or book a call with us.